Twisting Turning Through the Never

Hello Trendsetters,


Well in a year of ups and downs mainly downs but perhaps yet another turnaround. I spent much of 2015 piss wrecked on a cycle of booze drenched vagina progressing from recreational fun drugs to the hard addictive ones. And so now I'm left to deal with the aftermath of my own making.


I rode my bicycle, it hurt very much and I suffered I wished I was strong and could go dashing like I once did. I don't feeling like it much any more. My main goal is to stay clean for 2016. We shall see if I can do this in 12 months time. I refuse to become merely a tortured soul, I am excite I cannot be stopped

Get Behind the Mule

So a couple of months have passed by and it feels like a lifetime given all the shit I've dealt with in that time. Certainly plenty of hard things for me to deal that the old Jim would just kick it down the road by getting smashed rather than face problems. Although I have dreamed of drinking beers in the hot sun, smoking weed and taking whatever recreational drugs I can get my hands on it hasn't happened. When I had those dreams I feel relieved that I wake up stone cold sober and it didn't happen. I've point blank refused any alcohol across multiple drinking opportunities and started turning the cog on the bike semi regular like in between work stints.

Basically, I monitor quite a lot of data channels including power, heart rate, cadence, weight, calories etc. Again everything doesn't go perfect as technology or whatever fails me from time to time.  I am a bit like an old woman when it comes to power to weight and despite some hard work across the board in training and disciplined diet nothing was doing. It just hovers around 88kg for about 7 weeks. Then I had to move house (afuckengain) and maybe busted my arse and it suddenly went back to around 85. Funny I used to take it for granted and even 82 when fully tuned peaking as a cyclist. Anyway at 85 still not any quicker climbing although I should be but then I'm old cranky fucker these days searching for a loophole in defeating age related afflictions. However time waits for no man and maybe on some level the ravages I missed me but the dentist still fucken loves me after all this time. But hey what's the price of world class smile as long as you have the chops to punish the weak afterall.

So I kept my word and turned shit around and looking and feeling good on the bike again. Now I continue the process development and delivery of a new level of self awareness as a rider. Thanks to my love of cycling and support from special people in my life for getting me to a better place where I am great and powerful. Nothing Else Matters:

Missing Link

Lost all focus, getting fat, shorter of breath and dying slowly. Not taking personal lifestyle decisions seriously and falling off the wagon- dead fucken easy. My hope is that this blog declaration will be catalsyt life improvements and changes needed to put my life back together  so  I be what I want go where I want to be after quite some time in the blackened wilderness mentaly.

2011- separation/divorce triggered deep hurt and remorse for my failings and a feeling of loss which I compensated with heavy drinking and smoking of tobacco and other substances.

Alcohol has continued to tighten its grip over my consciousness and ability to form meaningful relationships with people and whilst I once thought it could be controlled the fact is I'm in autopilot when comes to booze on a complete rampaging collision course with self destruction. Subsequently my cycling and other sporting endevours have suffered significant to a point of declaring my racing days are over and really couldn't be motivated to ride or care about it anyhow.

Now I can be a pussy and listen to that voice what says you're just no good or you can stand up and be a man. Since the start of July I've been trying to quit drinking/ tobacco unsuccessfully so hopefully with publishing it on my blog I can get it done and put clean air between myself and last drinks.

Date markers are 06.10.14- druken stupour for the last time
                            25.09.14- quit smoking for the final time

In the past I've managed to self assess and focus my cycling/ mtb riding etc into an ok position but always tended to fall away after certain events or rides again loss of focus or something and again booze, recreational drugs and of course fast women (I have a soft spot for those leading to irrational and expensive decision making- another human emotional feeling what I need control over).

This time the plan is to come at more holistically with a wider range of training activities including weights resistance and other cardio activities to cycling and see where that gets me. Also staying positive mentalily is a big deal, nothing is to lose but doing nothing with such an opportunity is crime when I am blessed and the world can be so fucked up.  

Stay Upright

James  L MotherFucking Robbie