Lost all focus, getting fat, shorter of breath and dying slowly. Not taking personal lifestyle decisions seriously and falling off the wagon- dead fucken easy. My hope is that this blog declaration will be catalsyt life improvements and changes needed to put my life back together so I be what I want go where I want to be after quite some time in the blackened wilderness mentaly.
2011- separation/divorce triggered deep hurt and remorse for my failings and a feeling of loss which I compensated with heavy drinking and smoking of tobacco and other substances.
Alcohol has continued to tighten its grip over my consciousness and ability to form meaningful relationships with people and whilst I once thought it could be controlled the fact is I'm in autopilot when comes to booze on a complete rampaging collision course with self destruction. Subsequently my cycling and other sporting endevours have suffered significant to a point of declaring my racing days are over and really couldn't be motivated to ride or care about it anyhow.
Now I can be a pussy and listen to that voice what says you're just no good or you can stand up and be a man. Since the start of July I've been trying to quit drinking/ tobacco unsuccessfully so hopefully with publishing it on my blog I can get it done and put clean air between myself and last drinks.
Date markers are 06.10.14- druken stupour for the last time
25.09.14- quit smoking for the final time
In the past I've managed to self assess and focus my cycling/ mtb riding etc into an ok position but always tended to fall away after certain events or rides again loss of focus or something and again booze, recreational drugs and of course fast women (I have a soft spot for those leading to irrational and expensive decision making- another human emotional feeling what I need control over).
This time the plan is to come at more holistically with a wider range of training activities including weights resistance and other cardio activities to cycling and see where that gets me. Also staying positive mentalily is a big deal, nothing is to lose but doing nothing with such an opportunity is crime when I am blessed and the world can be so fucked up.
Stay Upright
James L MotherFucking Robbie
No comments:
Post a Comment